Audi’s S e-tron GT is a staggering piece of kit … and so is the price tag when you tick those extras boxes, writes Philip Nolan

My desperation to win the Uncle Of The Year award knows no limit. I have two nieces and when each got married in the past few years, I volunteered to act as chauffeur on their wedding days.

The first wanted me to borrow a 7 Series BMW, a lovely, safe choice with lots of room in the back for her and my brother to have glasses of champagne (well, Prosecco, which probably lost me a point in the voting) as we made our way to the ceremony.

The second young woman is an out-and-out Audi girl who drives a Q5, so there really was only one option for her big day, and that was the e-tron GT, though it wasn’t entirely ideal for a smooth exit in a full-length fitted frock.

Just for clarity, she was wearing it, not me.

There are photos of me holding the door open for her and the chauffeur’s cap makes me look like the statue of the cinema usher that used to be outside the Screen on College Green in Dublin.

That indignity, fortunately, was balanced out by the fact the car was a big hit, so all was good.

Now, just over two years later, I’ve been driving the latest version of Audi’s silky siren in its S e-tron incarnation.

Let’s start with the obvious: it’s not cheap, and you would buy a fairly nice family runaround with the budget for the extras alone on my test model.

The base price is €139,635 but once you add the options, the total is an eye-watering €174,077.

It’s quite sobering to remember that, at the bottom of the economic bust, my house wasn’t worth that.

Before we get to explaining the extras, though, let’s start on the outside. Here, only one word fits the bill — wow!

The sportback silhouette is positively dreamy, and it accentuates the just about five-metre length of the car, which is amplified by the short overhang up front.

Honestly, despite the 21-inch wheels (add €3,078, ka-ching!), the S e-tron looks like it’s floating, and I found myself randomly popping outside just to stare at it in the driveway.

Only once did it occur to me that it looks not unlike a flattened and stretched Audi TT, but I soon banished that heretical thought.

Even the fact my test car was white didn’t put me off, because that is my least favourite paint job on any car (well, almost, because I once had to spend a week in a pink Toyota Yaris, which I contrived to drive mostly at night).

Here, though, the white is contrasted with black detailing up front, tinted windows, and the panoramic sunroof with adjustable transparency that seems to stretch from Belfast to Cork.

You also need an adjustable wallet for it, because it’s another of those options, at €3,976. Inside, the upholstery is perforated leather with diamond stitching, and while that is standard, the sports seats in front add another €2,565.

They’re worth it, though, because they offer reassuring lateral support when you’re going around a corner at the sort of speed that makes the rear wheels seem like they’re catching up with the front.

On and on those extras go.

Heated windscreen (€578), heated front and rear seats (€513), adaptive cruise assist (€706), carbide steel brakes with red callipers (€4,360), all-wheel steering (€2,439), matrix LED headlights (€3,707), ambient lighting plus (€732), and so on.

It’s like going to the Indian takeaway just for a curry and coming back with sag aloo, samosas, onion bhajis, tandoori wings, and two naans, and chapatis too.

The only slight disappointment is the infotainment screen, which feels a little on the small side.

Yes, Mercedes may have gone too far on occasion with its cinemascope arrangement that spans the entire fascia, but there’s a happier medium between that and Auditorium 6 in the multiplex.

As for charging and range, well, both are excellent. On a fast charger, you can add up to 275km in ten minutes, and charge from 10-80% in 21 minutes.

Overall range is billed at up to 609km, but in the real world in winter, banking on 100km less would be sensible if you were planning to drive at a consistent 120kph on the motorway

As for what to expect from that drive, well, this is a deliciously welltrained animal, with a governed top speed of 245kph.

In general use, the power on tap is 591hp, but if you set o­ in launch mode, you can draw on 679hp, and that's going to propel a car weighing over two tonnes from 0-100kph in just 3.5 seconds.

It is also going to warrant the addition of a decent scoop of Vanish to the detergent tray in your washing machine.

When you’ve got over your urge to be a middle-aged boy racer (which, let’s face it, is about as good a look as wearing a toupée, or a gold medallion nestled in grey chest hair), the delicious bursts of overtaking speed will o­ er just as many little thrills, and lots back road victories over farm machinery.

No matter what speed you’re driving at, though, you will do it in blissful, almost silence.

As sultry and assured as a James Bond heroine, the Audi S e-tron brings class by the jeroboam, and it makes you feel like you’re arrived, in the personal accomplishment stakes, before you even touch the accelerator.

Once you do give it a gentle press, the outside world ceases to exist as you waft your way across country, with only your own thoughts to entertain, mostly of what other car you would buy if you didn’t spend €34,442 on all those options.